Of New Year's Resolution

Patapos na ang taon at nandito na naman ako sa harap ng laptop, nagttype ng blog entry para malaman ng internet ang nasa loob ko. Kahit walang taong nakikinig.

Sabi nila, past is past. 2011 is approaching, we all should move on. Erase your mistakes, say hello to another beautiful year.

Ito naman lagi yung sinasabi natin eh. Lagi na lang kapag nagbabagong taon na. Ito lagi yung motto, nagiging cliche na nga eh. Pero, ano ba talaga dapat? Kaya ba talaga nating panindigan yung mga nasa loob natin? Kaya ba nating magbago? Sigurado ba tayong seswertehin tayo ngayong taon regardless of those things said by the feng shui experts?

Kanya kanyang diskarte nga lang yung alam ko. Pero kahit gano karaming bilog na prutas ang nasa mesa natin, kahit gano karaming golden coins ang nasa bulsa natin, kung wala tayong personal na relasyon sa Diyos, kung wala tayong panalangin, kung wala tayong ambisyon, kung wala tayong ganang gumawa ng kahit ano, taon man o dekada o century ang lumipas, wala pa rin tayong mararating.

Ito na nga ba 'yung sinasabi ko. Lahat kasi tayo, mas nasasarapan sa salita kesa gawa. Bakit kaya? Bakit hindi natin kayang gampanan yung mga pangako natin para sa sarili natin tsaka para sa ibang tao?

Sana lahat tayo merong pangarap. At kung meron man, sana lahat tayo hindi nangangarap ng gising.

Ano ba 'yung NEW YEAR's RESOLUTION KO?

1. Ipagpapatuloy ko ang pag-aaral ko nang mabuti. (Cesarean Operation again =D)

2. Magtitipid ako nang mabuti.

3. Hindi ako magboboyfriend.

4. Mas maging active sa Campus Bible Fellowship.

5. Sisimba ako every Sunday nang hindi late at walang absence.

6. Mas paglalaanan ko ng time ang evening devotion, Bible reading at quiet time with the Lord.

7. Dapat marunong na ko magdrive ng sasakyan this year.

8. Dapat marunong na kong magplay ng any musical instrument this year.

9. Maging isa ako sa teachers ng Awana.

10. Mainvolve sa photography session.

'yun ang TOp 10. Pero meron 'yung pinaka importante kong ishe-share is that, habang iniisip ko yung top priorities ko within this year, HINDI NATIN KAYANG MAABOT 'TO WITHOUT GOD'S GRACE.

I always bear in mind that I am weak. I cannot do all these things all by myself. Naging ganito ako, kinaya ko yan, nagkaroon ako nito ALL BECAUSE OF GOD'S GRACE.

Wala akong kayang marating kung hindi dahil sa Kanya.

Masaya lang ako, kahit pa medyo may konting luha akong pinatulo this December.

Ikaw, ano'ng mga NY's resolution mo?

PS: Nababasa mo 'to ngayon because of God's grace. <3

Lessons Learned from 3 IDIOTS

Lessons Learned from 3 IDIOTS

Why are they called idiots, by the way? Maybe because they were labelled that way in the film, or maybe to make it catchy and interesting in the minds of the movie viewers..

Many were deeply amazed and were inspired by its story. It is being taught there that experience is always the best teacher.

Ibahin niyo ako. Haha! They’re really great. The actors acted very naturally, funny, and all. Toink. But here’s my point..

The movie is simply valuing life thru experience, and there’s nothing wrong about it. =))

So, ano’ng balak ko sa blog na to? Simple lang. As a Christian, they value:

1. Diskarte

2. Experience

3. Experience

4. Experience

5. Experience

Rancho? He was really a genius, at the same time, very COMPLACENT. Complacency according to my friend, Mr. Webster, is the state of a person being self-satisfied. Satisfied in a way that they’re not raising the bars anymore. They are once satisfied, very satisfied and extremely satisfied that they don’t want to make a move, and make a difference anymore.

It is being taught in there that:

1. it’s BAD to be so grade-conscious

2. it’s BAD to memorize

3. there’s no such term as SUICIDE, only MURDER

4. it’s GOOD not to study anymore

5. the more madiskarte you are, the more successful you’d become..

I like the movie in a way that it really shows the courage how tough college life may be. But I don’t like the way how it values complacency. Grades are just numbers and they are not important, they’d say.

Now the impact of the movie is this:

COLLEGE STUDENTS ARE NO LONGER RAISING THE BARS BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT GRADES AREN’T IMPORTANT AND EVERYTHING IS LEARNED THRU EXPERIENCE.

I was shocked how a certain classmate of me said that ASTIG TALAGA 3 IDIOTS. I LEARNED THAT GETTING AN UNO IS Not IMPORTANT, BUT THE LESSON YOU LEARN FROM IT.

WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY NOW IS THAT WHY CAN’T THEY RAISE THE BARS? AND WHY CAN’T THEY STUDY HARD, AND PROVE TO THEMSELVES THEY ALSO CAN GET AN UNO, MAKE GOD AND THEIR PARENTS HAPPY?

If you’re raising the bars, that doesn’t mean that you don’t learn the experience from it. Just like me. God has turned me into a better person for making me learn how to raise the bars.

If others see there’s an improvement in you, they’d see Jesus within you. They’d say , WOW, SHE HAS A GREAT GOD, ANG TALINO NIYA..

Masama ang pagiging grade-conscious if that contains vain conceit. Yun bang, hindi mo na alintana ang masama sa mabuti, nafoforget mo na yung enjoyment, nakakasagasa ka na pala nang hindi mo alam..

Yun yun.

One more thing, BEST THINGS IN LIFE AREN’T PURELY BASED IN EXPERIENCE, DISKARTE, EXPERIENCE, DISKARTE... It’s on how you make a goal, you persevere, at the same time you enjoy, only for God’s glory.

Me? I have my goals. Sa ngayon, gusto kong maging COLLEGE SCHOLAR. And i will not be able to perform necessary things if not for Jesus. Sa bandang huli, God’s will pa rin ang mamamayagpag. =))

‘Yung experience kasi para sakin, is yung natutunan mong magpakumbaba, magpersevere, magpray at mag enjoy sa lahat ng nangyayari.

Iba pa rin kapag gumradweyt kang with honors, dala dala ang mga diskarte and exprience na natutunan mo. Pakikinggan ng ibang tao ang pinagdaanan mo, not like those who are far better than you na wala nang ginawa kundi magpakalasing sa libro, forgetting God, relying on their own wisdom, and even for those na wala nakuntento na lang, na ngangarap na maging ikaw, na nangangarap na magkaroon din sila ng Panginoon na meron ka, para maranasan din nila ang naranasan mo. Iba pa rin ang nakikipagkwentuhan ka regarding your success, at binibida mo ang Panginoon.

=))

Not even close to perfection?

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang pinatatamaan ng babaeng to sa kanyang status.

She's using God's name. I am a daughter of God. What is she tryin' to point out?

Even if it's not me, there are some things that I want to clarify. Thank God, she's got that status.

First, one thing that will come into your mind when you are indeed a daughter of the Almighty, is that YOU STRIVE TO BE LIKE JESUS.

Right? You aim to be blameless and pure before Him. You've got the freedom to choose wisely between temptation and holiness because you no longer permit the devil to control you whole being.

Now, what I'm trying to say is this.

It's not wrong to justify things and be perfect. You cannot judge people kasi hindi naman ikaw ang Panginoon. You don't even know the story of his/her life. If you can't read his/her mind, how much more his/her heart?

I've just read about complacency in DO HARD THINGS book. Yeah. You are not only insensitive. You are also very complacent. You are being contented with this, with that... You want everything to be simple. Sayang. Maganda ka pa naman..

In other words, you simply like the color pink, without recognizing the presence of other colors.

You're striving to pass, but you're not striving to be the best. Although, it's really not important to be the best, but, it's just that, you can make a difference.

Yes, you've stepped outside the boat, pero hanggang saan ang kaya mong languyin? Whole Bora island? or all throughout the Pacific?

Yun yun eh.

Anyway, enough of this. One day, you'll realize why.

I'm the kind of girl whom you think strives to be perfect dahil mataas ang standards ng Panginoon ko eh..

Mataas.. sobrang taas..

I hope that one day, you'll see the beauty of Christ in my life.

One more thing.. It's not wrong to strive for perfection... It's wrong to be forever complacent..

=))

Hindi ka naman kasi marunong magpromote!

Alam mo naman siguro kung ano ang kulang sayo, right?

You're not exerting much effort.

Hindi naman sa pinagmamayabang ko ang sarili ko..

75% of the work is done by me.

Hanggang sa promotion ba naman, ayaw mo pa din ako tulungan?

Hindi sa hindi ako kuntento sa mga ginagawa mong pagpopost sa walls ng mga kakilala naten.

Are you really sending them messages regarding our four podcasts?

Let me share to you the possibilities na you're really not exerting much effort as I do:

1. hindi umeexceed ng 100 likes ang video naten. I only have 400 friends, but you have more and more and more friends na halos kakilala mo pa.

2. Most of the people na nag lilike any friends ko.. Yep! Friends ko.. where are your friends? Hindi ba nila nareceive ang message mo? Halos lahat naman ata sila ka-close mo..

3. As far as i'm concerned, nakita ko nga kung paano mo ipromote ang podcasts natin only thru you wall.. bakit? naiilang kang magsend ng messages? dahil natatakot ka ring i-delete ka nila online? hmm..

I'm sorry to say these things unexpectedly, but you know naman how much I raise the bars now. I'm not like you who's a sports major. Nagbago na ko. Hindi na ko tulad ng dati na sobrang complacent. You know naman, may balak din akong maging CS hindi tulad nyo, na pumasa lang ayos na.

Gusto ko din pasayahin ang Panginoon at parents ko sa mga ginagawa ko dito sa UP. I'm not finding a perfect partner.. I'm finding someone who's worth the hardwork, who's responsible and NOT PROUD..

CMS 105, major subject. And kahit isang subject lang yan, I'm striving for an Uno.... because I'm not a sports major.....

=))

Saykotik

I don’t want him to ruin my life again.

I don’t want to talk to him again.

I don’t want him back.

It’s funny how the feeling comes back whenever he talks to me. When he makes fun of me.

It’s been a year since he hurt me. I don’t want to fall for him all over again.

He was the biggest and last mistake I’ve ever committed.

The Lord surprised me. He brought Abe into my senses, he brought Jed.

Those guys are just dreams and hopes of this feminine nature of me.

But I’m putting my all to the strength and grace of my Lord Jesus that everything will be fine.

Okay na ko eh. Okay na talaga.

Yun nga lang, lumandi pa sya.

Ang landi nya naman kasing lalaki! Malanding malandi!

I just hate this feeling na malambot pa rin ang puso ko sa kanya pero by God’s grace kayang kaya ko namang labanan.

I was about to explode when he flirted with Shing, even if he has a girlfriend.

Why the hell I cried last night. Why the hell.

Uh! Satan, tempatations, Kim.

I’m hurt, and God knows it.

But i’m not afraid because God never fails to comfort me ahead of everything.

You know, up to now, I can feel the inferiority of me from others, physically and mentally.

I cannot defend myself.

I was just to unwanted by some but God has His reasons why He allows these things to happen.

Someday thru God’s time, I can say that:

“Remember me? I’m the one who stuck up for you. The one who stayed up until midnight just to talk to you. The one whose heart flutters when she gets a call or text from you. The one who fought for you, The one who missed and loved you. Now, you realize that I’m the one you want. But I’m already with a guy who figured it out.”

I don’t want to fall for this guy =(

He's falling for me.

And I don't want it that way.

I have top 5 standards..

And he doesn't have the number one requirement.

A true believer of Christ, a born again Christian.

=(

He's a good guy pa naman ang has this looks huh..

But my Father doesn't want him..

So, much better of he'll back off.

=(

Sorry. A.J.

Uncle Bart (Bombo Radyo mediaman): can’t believe he’s now gone.

Monday, a typical day for me. Waking up as late as 8am, going to school at 10, having my bio class before lunch, and CMS 100 during the afternoon. Monday, common day. People come and go.

 

Monday.

 

I've heard about the massacre just as Monday evening. Sam told me about it when we chatted on facebook but because of the very slow internet connection, I was about to go offline. No further online conversation.

 

I feel the pain, the grief, the sorrow of Uncle's Bart's wife. Bart Maravilla, was one of those who were massacred and just accidentally saw his name from an article in the PDI's website. Until now, I'm still shocked. I cannot easily recover from that heartbreaking news. He was my dad's close friend (when he still works in Bombo Radyo Koronadal as an assistant station manager), and among his officemates in Bombo, he's the one who immediately appears in my mind when Bombo topics are discussed.

 

Uncle Bart Maravilla is an ordinary guy, a very hardworking husband and a father to his daughters. He loves his job as a field reporter and always delivers news ahead of the time. All he ever wanted was to deliver the news effectively to his hometown and earn a family living. I know. He's such a nice person that his family became our family friend.

 

Together with tito Henry (Henry Araneta), they were massacred and just as yesterday, they bodies were found together with those who were brutally killed inside a buried vehicle. Moslems are so merciless.

 

I know it's not good to judge other people. And it's really not safe to post this blog entry since I'm aware that moslems are powerful. They can do whatever they want.

 

They kill each other just for the sake of gold and power. I pity them. Why? Because God prepares them for the day of slaughter.

 

My condolences to the families of our media heroes and civilians. As a UP student, taking up Communication and Media Studies, it is my privilege to speak out from this mere blog entry and encourage everyone to pray for justice.

 

This is more than a heartache. This is more than bagyong ondoy, ramil and anything else. They were intentionally killed. This must not be neglected.

 

Who knows that someday, after we receive our diploma mula sa Unibersidad ng Pilipinas and become a media practitioner, the government and moslem people who are drunk of riches and power may kill us. As a born again Christian, I believe that I can attain eternal life in heaven. But how about those who don't know Christ yet?

 

People becoming so violent that it makes me think of this:

 

SANA MAGKATOTOO NA YUNG MGA MANGYAYARI SA December 21, 2012. GUSTO KO NANG MAKITA ANG PANGINOON. GUSTO KO NA SIYANG MAKASAMA. AND DUMI DUMI DUMI DUMI NA NG MUNDO. DAHIL LANG TOH SA KAYAMANAN AT KAPANGYARIHAN NA GUSTONG MAKUHA NG TAO.

 

You, do you still care for your soul? For them?

Hoy mga taga UP: how much do you care?

I just got irritated right after our CMS 100 class lately. We were talking about the massacre. I was reading a newsletter in the AS building when I was on my way to the dorm. Now I know how it did really happen.

 

I shared with them the news concerning about uncle bart and other mediamen who were killed. They had goosebumps.

 

Guada: ynnah, malapit lang di ba kayu sa Maguindanao?

Ako: 6 hours away pa ata from our city.

Guada: nge, pero ang ibang mediamen na galing sa koronadal namatay.. SABI MO PEACEFUL ANG PLACE NIYO….

 

Peaceful naman talaga ang koronadal because the people there are 80% Christians. Dahil ba sa word sa COTABATO that's why nabibilang kami sa mga ganon kabayolenteng lugar? Not so funny.

 

Ako: and exit namin, entrance na yun ng kanilang violence……

Guada: ahhh.. akala ko ba peaceful…

Kim: peaceful?! Peaceful nga! Peaceful kaya tingnan mo siya ngayon, peaceful!!! Wahahahahahahahaha!

Guada: Oy kim! Minsan talaga yang humor mo, wala na sa tamang lugar.

 

It was an ouch.

 

She is always she. Below the belt na yung sinabi niya.

 

Feeling ko tuloy, my batchmates are degrading me because of the fact that I come from Mindanao (from Koronadal City, south cotabato, the land of bounty) na kasing level lang ng province of Laguna sa Luzon. Mas maunlad pa nga kami compared to some of the municipaties in Luzon and Visayas, particularly in Oton! (where she lives).

 

This is all because of stereotyping. Kapag nasa UP ka, at taga Mindanao ka, agad nilang tanong, Moslem ka ba? I just answer, no. Born again Christian.

 

I remember this scenario while we were eating our lunch in the College Union Building last sem:

 

Ako: (was eating pork afritada)

Guada: oy, di ba may baboy yan? Okay lang ba sayo?

Ako: hindi naman ako moslem ah.

Guada: oops sorry. Akala ko kasi….

 

Okay. I know it's too much. I know I overreact again. But the lesson here is, instead of looking at me as I am, why shouldn't we work for good when everything else fails?

It's not between the rich and the poor. It's between stereotyping and my credibility as a UP student.

 

Unfortunately, some of the UP students are very inactive when it comes to this issue. Seems like they don't care about these things. Most of them pa are those who belong the science and math-related courses. We are all involved in this violence, and we must do something about it. Others were just busy solving equations and doing things that are really irrelevant for the welfare of the society.

 

Ynnah: kawawa naman yung mga namatay noh?

ChE student: oo nga eh..

Ynnah: alam mo na yung nangyari sa kanila?

ChE: hindi pa.. wait lang hah solve muna ko…

 

Ang gusto ko lang iparating ay, makibahagi naman tayo sa mga ganito ka seryosong bagay. Kung ang new moon magazine nila bella, Edward at Jacob ay pinagtutuunang pansin, why not the issue ng bayan? Akala ko ba, iskolar tayo PARA sa bayan.

 

At! Wag naman sana gawing joke ang issue, kim.

 

 

BK Disaster

Mejo masama ata ang tingin sakin ni Egbert kanina sa CDH. Tsk. Dahil ba sa hindi ako umattend ng BKlympics kahapon?

Hindi na talaga maganda toh. Skimmer ako. At bahagi ako ng kanilang panlilibak sa araw araw. Not so good.

Mejo nagiging conscious na tuloy ako sa tingin ng iba kong dorm mates sakin. Feeling ko ang sama sama ko, as in to the highest level. Hindi naman sa ayaw ko makipag socilialize… hindi lang talaga ko interesado sa mga gusto nila. Ewan ko ba. I hate this feeling pa naman. Tsk.

People talaga are so matary ever. They can easily make you embarrassed and give your day a badtrip! Kainis. Haaay. Much better if wala munang name ang lalabas sa blog entry na toh, for safety reasons. Di natin alam, marami pala ang nagsusurf ng net at baka mahuli pa nila ang ganito kalaking eskandalo all over www.. geesh.

They say that it's fun having BK as your freshman dorm. Yeah. Can't argue more. But the reasons why I become so lethargic in participating in some dorm activities are that:

 

People are very choosy. Choosy when it comes to their friends, to their interest and of course, pati na rin sa lovelife? Haay.

Some of them are good actors and actresses. In short, plastic. Need I say more?

They group their selves according to the interests of their acad org and any member.

They backstab you.

They might use you only for some personal interests.

 

Those are just mere reasons why I don't feel being acquainted to them.

Sana naman hayaan na lang ang taong ayaw talaga makipagbond sa kanila. Okay. May sarili na kaming mundo. It's none of their business. Ang mahalaga, nagbabayad kami in due time. Bayad. Basta pera na ang usapan, no big deal yan sa kanila.

How I wish na sana, meron ding sariling dorm and skimmers.. para naman, wala ng chismis, hoax or anything else.

At sana, kung galit man yung mga maimpluwenshang tao jan, kimkimin niyo na lang yun. Ayaw naman naming ng gulo.

Sobrang dami kasi natin eh!!!

Ayan tuloy. Problema. Tsk.

Good luck senyong lahat.

Dorm mate B

Tata. Haay. Annoying madalas.

Sobrang nakakabadtrip talaga minsan tong taong toh. Very insensitive.

Ang ingay. She's so banal. More talk, less sense. That's she.

Self-denial queen din toh eh. Playing safe to the max. can't admit her mistakes pa. she's not cool.

Kakairita lang talaga ang kanyang boses na naging rason upang batikusin ng GD and aming room. Hindi mo siya medaling nasasabihan eh. As in talaga.

Tas kapag sila na lang dalawa ng laptop niya ang magkaharap, uber ingay pa na kunwari eh mag isa lang siya sa kwarto at walang roommates. Ayos lang sana if ganun na nga. But the fact is, pagod kame, at kelangan naming ng pahinga.. as in bonggang bonggang pahinga.

Di bale. Konting tiis na lang. kaya ko toh. Konting months na lang. hmmp.

hurt

Everybody cannot easily define it through words. Some cannot feel it anymore because of extreme pain, anger and frustration. How I wish I could be one of them. Numb.

 

I wanna be numb. I want to have my ears closed against criticisms, unpleasant talks.. I'm tired of being a scapegoat.

pasalamat ka't mabait ako

here i am again. having extreme moodswings. kanina, okay na okay ako. ngayun, nag iba na naman ang ihip ng hangin. sobra na kong napaparanoid. kainis.

hindi pa naman umaatake. paatake pa lang. kaso, ayun. hindi pa rin kuntento ang aking pag iisip sa mga posibleng mangyari.

if u'r gonna ask me kung bakit, hindi ko rin alam. maybe, mashado lang talaga akong mabait.

how can i say so?

mashado akong mabait dahil kapag nasasaktan na eh smile pa rin.

mashado akong mabait dahil kapag iniinsulto na'y nag aact pa rin na kunwari'y walang nangyari.

mashado akong mabait dahil kayang kaya kong magpigil ng luha.

mashado rin akong mabait dahil kahit hindi ko pinapakitang badtrip ako.

mshado akong mabait dahil kahit wala ka na sa lugar, nagmumukha akong walang pakialam.

mashado akong mabait dahil ....

to be continued..

just woke up

haay. 1:30 na kong natulog kagabe. nawili ako sa wifi eh. abot hanggang 12:30am. haha! @the same time, katext ko s khym. nakakatuwa naman. kaso kanina... bumawi ang kapalaran!

nagising ako ng 6am. hindi ko matanggap ang kanyang text. kunwari concerned siya ng bonggang bongga. tas pambungad niya sakin, are you really in manila? then i said, wala ako magagawa if ayaw mo maniwala. ayun. natulog uli ako after ko xa replyan. until such time na nagreply xa ng uber taray na "ok". tsk.

so, anu na naman ang ibig sabihin non? haaay. watever.

mejo bitin pa ang aking tulog dahil ang iingay ng mga tao sa kabila. kalilipat lang kasi. mashado cguro silang natutuwa sa bagong bahay? haaay.

ayun. di ako mshadong nakatulog. bawi na lang mamya. hehe

five months ding irregular ang tulog ko kaya kahit na sobrang antok na ko minsan, hindi pa rin ako nakakatulog. 12am ahead na ko kung makatulog ng dere derecho.

haay.

*sigh

i need longer sembreaks!

ooops.. mashado na kong high na high sa internet.. haha!

bilis bilis pa ng wifi dito compared sa dorm..

anyhow, hindi ko mashadong namimiss ang school.

haaay. panibagong semestre na naman.. iba ibang prof.. whoosh..

malapit na kong gumraduate! 3 and a half yeaRS to go.. haha

sakit sakit sakit

schizo- mejo lumalala na ata..

pero hindi pa naman siya mashadong obvious.. hihi

tahimik pa rin ako bout this psycho illness..

feeling ko, kapag hindi ako sinusumpong, ang pangit pangit ng araw ko..

tingin ng tingin ako sa pics, kunwari nasa elbi na ko, mga ganun kumbaga..

haaay..

sana hindi naman siya lumala noh..

ayoko ngang pandirihan ako..

tsk tsk..

dahil may twitter account na ko!! haha!!

wala lang.. nag experiment na naman ako dito sa net. interested lang ako sa twitter..

and here's my twitter account!

babalandra ko na naman... wee

twitter.com/ynnahtotally147

in regards with my username, hindi ko alam kung anung pumasok sa isip ko bat ko siya ginawang ynnahtotally147.. para kasing ang labo eh.. haha!

di ko alam na taken na rin pala ang name na ynnah. kala ko mshadong unique.. hmp.

anyhow, obvious na obvious naman na para talagang kinakarir ko na ang ynnah bilang pangalan.

happy na ko dahil sa wakas! tama na ang kanilang pronunciation.. UP pips, salamat.

tama nga ang pronunciation, mali naman ang spelling.. whohaha..

pero at least, masarap na siya pakinggan. hindi na tulad ng ehhhh na.. ehh na.. hay naku.. haha!

pero hindi ko naman siya pwedeng baliwalain kasi dun ako sumikat eh.. hoho..

dun ako nakahanap ng mga bagong friends.

salamat pa rin hs friends! dahil kahit nagbago man ang aking name, hindi pa rin nagbabago pagtingin niyo saken..

mwah mwah tsup tsup!

=)

kahit 2.041 lang ang aking GWA

happy na ko ng bonggang bongga! haha!

hindi madali ang mag-aral sa UP, seriously. mapalad na rin ako at naging isa ako sa mga iskolar ng bayan.

ewan ko nga ba kung bat ako pumasa. amazing lang talaga..

wew! kahit one sem pa lang akong nag aaral, sobrang fulfilling talaga. kahit papano, naexpose na ko sa mga uber taray na profs.. whoo.. at survived ko toh!

hindi ko lang alam, sooner or later marami pang mangyayari.

but by God's grace makakayanan ko pa naman cguro. sana nga..

gusto ko talagang gumraduate on time. at alam kong hindi naman imposible yun.

buhay na buhay pa rin ang aking dream na maging CS at maging magna cum laude, kuno! kahit sasabihin mo ngayung napaka ambishosa ko, well. hindi naman ako mag aambishon ng ganto kataray kapag alam kong sobrang imposible..

naalala ko pa dati yung mga panahon na kung saan top 34 ako sa klase.. haha!

35 students lang kami nun eh. sobrang nag pabaya ako nun. but still, nagkaron na naman ako ng goosebumps wherein gagraduate ako ng elementary with honors kahit top 8 lang..

believe it or not. top 8 ako nung elementary, SSC.. harhar

wala naman talagang imposible sa Panginoon. basta let the glory and honor be upon Him.

sana naman kahit cum laude lang.. :DD

tagos dito oh!

kakabaliw ah... ba't ganyan ka na? naiinis ako sobra. sa sobrang inis wala na ko magawa kundi umiyak na lang. T_T

ang hirap mag isa. buti na lang si wacky andito.. waaaah. pero kahit na. cnu ba kakausapin ko mamaya? sino?

sana magkamanesia na ko para makalimutan na kita. parang wala lang sau ah. walang ang dali dali lang ah. dahil ba ganito lang ako kaya mo ko ginaganito? dahil ganito lang ako kababa sa tingin ng ibang tao?

lagi ko sinasabe, Lord, hear my cry. Hear my weeping every night. alam ko naman nakikinig siya eh. minsan di ko lang talaga maiwasan na masaktan.

ang hirap. para na kong pinapatay.please wag ka naman umepal sa pinsan ko oh. sana may konsensha ka pa. sana lang talaga

lahat na kasinungalingan nasabi ko na, sana magpakumbaba ka naman. kahit isang segundo lang.

sana napansin mo ring tumutulo luha ko oh!

sana nakita mo ren!

sana marunong ka ren umiyak!

exchange tau ng hearts para masubukan mo ring masaktan.

sana magbago ka na!

sana isaalang alang mo ko kahit wala na tayo

pls

humngi ka naman ng tawad!

bakit di ko sinabe senyo? T_T

madameng rason eh. sa sobrang dami parang di ko na kayang i-mention. hehehe.

kase di niyo rin ako maiintindihan eh. T_T kumbaga, ang hirap magpaliwanag. sorry pero talagang, ang hirap ipaliwanag at ayaw ko ng isyu. ayaw ko ng intriga. eh ngayun na tapos na, safe na ko. haha!

pero in fairness mahirap din pala. super. isipin mo ako lang nagpapayo sa sarili ko, dasal lang at kung anu anu pa. mahirap. wag niyo ko gagayahin. hehe

ako yung taong takot sa intriga eh. ayaw ko ng pinag-uusapan ako. oo kase, marami rin akong kilalang bibigyan ka ng payo, pero pag tapos na kayo mag usap, isheshare niya don sa friend niya at ikaw yung magiging topic. sorry talaga pero ayaw ko ng ganon. huhu.

wag kayu mag-alala. di naman ako nag-iisa eh. kasama ko si Jesus. at shempre kau din naman. mwah! sorry talaga kung naging cheap ako. naging hyper lang ako gawa ng temptations.

halos wala kayung narinig na problema saken, wala kayung narinig na pag oopen up ko tungkol sa sarili ko. halos kase lahat tungkol lang sa ibang tao eh. pero kinaya ko. it's all because of God's grace. di niya ko pinabayaan.

kaya nga di ba nabanggit ko mashado akong insecure dati? hehe. di ko maintindihan eh. pinatulan ko yung sitwashon na sobrang minalas ako. pero sige lang. tapos na yun.

sana maintindihan niyo ko noh. sana lang talaga. sana walang patagong intriga na mangyayare. after niyo nabasa lahat ng nakasulat dito, saka ko malalaman if sino yung mga taong totoong nagmamahal saken aside from Jesus.

naawa ako sa sarili ko. alam ko pinandidirihan ako ng ibang tao. ANG KAPAL NG MUKHA KO ANG PANGET KO KAYA, MAY PUMATOL SAKEN? - says the dating ena marie.

sana talaga maintindihan niyo ko. waaaaa.

at least naranasan ko kung panu magmahal at masaktan din, kase nga unbeliever. darating din yung time na babaguhin na ko ni Lord, physically. ayaw kong magbago emotionally - alam ko mabait akong tao. i have this patience na di kayang taglayin ng iba. :DD

PS: i want you to call me MARIE. kung baket? ask niyo ko - 09183960845

:DD

Di ako galit sau

di talaga ako galet. ayoko lang maalala ka pa. masakit eh. haaays. first time ko toh. yung, di nagtetext sau. nakakapanibago ba? aba aba hahahaha! dati kase talagang ako yung naunang nagtetext eh. pero ngaun di na. kaya nga himala't ikaw ang naunang magtext saken. pero sa ginawa mo, mas lalo lang ako nasaktan. baket?

u don't have to tell me na meron ka na agad ipapalit saken. sorry to say pero ikaw ang nagsilbing sakripisyo ko, ngayun inuuna ko na si God eh. wala ng iba. sorry

ikaw na nagbabasa nito, kung alam mo lang kung gano kahirap ang magscrifice. yung totoong sacrifice ah! i knew him for almost two and a half years. di ako bumitaw don. with all the efforts and pagpapakababa sa sarili na nagmumukha ka ng tae. yeah! nagmukha rin akong tae. it was the most painful experience i've ever had.

pero still, paglabas ng kwarto ko, keep on smiling pa ren na parang walang nangyare. parang wala lang problema. last year, ang hirap magpretend eh. isipin mo yung namamaga ang mga mata mo sa kakaiyak, 11pm to 2am. kaya mo yun?

duh! dahil saan? lalake? ang cheap cheap ko naman. pero, totoo! iniyakan ko talaga siya.

pero God's grace really changed me - i'm not pretending anymore because i feel His presence eh. whenever naiisip ko tong taong toh, lumalaban ako sa iyak, sa luha - coz he never deserve my tears! it's just a waste of time.

at ang lahat ng yun - part ng tinatawag kong sacrifice.

ang hirap pa nainvolve ka sa taong sobrang naging mahalaga sau kahit ginagawa ka niyang tae. binalewala ko naman si Jesus nung mga panahong yun. yun ang grabe kong pinagsisihan. at ang kabayaran? sacrifice! mahirap. sobra. pero kelangan. wala naman dapat ikabahala kase meron akong gabay ng Panginoon. Kahit kelan, di siya nagkulang.

grabe kapag naiisip kong, nawala ako. lumiko ako. dun ako pumasok sa me dilim. pero kahit ganito nangyare sa paglalakbay ko, hinanap pa ren ako ni Lord. araw gabi niya kong hinanap. hanggang sa ito, balik na uli ako sa piling niya. ang hirap lang kapag napipicture out ko yung mga landas na tinahak ko dati, puro tae, lahat walang kwenta. yes, and i am lower than a dirt na nga. pero nilinis pa ren nia puso ko. ang lakas ko sa Panginoon. and now, im willing to change and glorify His name. very much willing. sana kayu din na mga taong importante saken.

lagi ako nagdadasal na sana, lilipas na tong sugat. lilipas din toh.

DATI TALAGANG NASA AIRPORT NA KO EH. ANJAN NA YUNG PLANE, AND MY FATHER WAS SMILING, ANG SABE, "HALIKA KA NA, ANAK". PERO TINALIKURAN KO SIYA. SUMAMA AKO DUN SA LALAKENG YUN. AYUN. NAPARIWARA. INIWAN. AKO? NAGSISI.

BUMALIK ULI AKO SA AIRPORT. ANDUN PA YUNG PLANE! KASO PARANG WALA NA ATA C TATAY. NAGHINTAY LANG AKO SA DEPARTURE AREA. ANDUN PLA XA, NAPAGOD SA KAKAHANAP SAKEN. SA WAKAS, NAKITA NIYA RIN AKO. :DD

SA NGAYUN, KASALUKUYAN AKONG GINAGAMOT SA LOOB NA MISMO NG EROPLANO! :DD PERO DI PA KAMI NAKAKAALIS. NAGDEDEMO PA C GOD EH. PAG OKAY NA ANG LAHAT, THE PLANE's READY TO TAKE OFF

-DARATING DIN YUNG TIME NA LILISANIN KO NA TOTALLY YUNG LUGAR NA TOH. AT MAGMOVE ON SA PLACE KUNG SAAN KASAMA C LORD JESUS.

PS: DI NA KO BIBITAW. HANGGANG SA IPAKILALA NIYA KO SA LALAKENG PARA TALAGA SAKEN. :DD

Jesus is my captain and physician who is always on call.